Learning to dance in the rain

October 19, 2010

It’s just me again

Filed under: Uncategorized — justjoanie @ 1:01 pm

I’m doing good since the rift between K and I. We have decided to be friends, and have even dated some. But we are on  “Keep it Slow” mode. We’ve decided to work on our trust through friendship, and get to know more about each other. It’s actually been interesting learning about her and her childhood and her past relationships. Of course I’ve told her about mine as well. We’ve actually spent quite a bit of time together. She’s really an interesting person. As angry and upset as I was a week ago, I feel like I over-reacted a bit.

I do hope that I can work through my trust issues and be a normal person again. I can’t believe that another person can make you so unsure about yourself. I suppose, though it wasn’t just one person. It was a few people in my life that broke my trust so badly that I have no more to give. I tend to give my trust to people until they do something that breaks it. I suppose that all it takes is a small breech of that trust to ruin it. When I’ve been in a relationship longer (whether friendship of love) it takes a little more to actually break the trust. I suppose that over time it builds.

I also have a theory about lesbians and fast moving relationships. I’ve noticed that I, myself tend to move faster when it comes to feelings in a relationship. But so do many of my friends in the lesbian world. K falls in love very quickly. Her friends even tell her that she is in love with one person on week and with someone else another. I’ve seen it with my cousin, I’ve seen it with friends. And alot of times these relationships are short lived. Not always, mind you, but alot of times.  So I’m trying to break this cycle. I went quickly into this relationship. But now we are slowed down. I don’t know how long I will hold out, but for now, I am. We are going on dates. Getting to know each other. In a little over a month we are going on vacation together. She has always wanted to go on a cruise, so we are going, and I wanted to go to the mountains to see my best friend from high school, so she is going up that way with me too. She has her “mother figure” up there that she wants to see. So it will work out well. Maybe by then (we will have been dating for about 2 months) we will decide to make a commitment together. I don’t know. Maybe we won’t even make it that far as friends or dating.

There is so much in my life I’ve wanted to come in here and write about, but just haven’t really had the time to get in here. My computer at home is on the fritz (still), and work has been a little busier lately. So when I can remember what it is that I wanted to type about I’ll just come back.